Monthly Archives: May 2014

Damnit to hell

Yesteday was my grans 79th birthday.  Today her long lost son (if you’be seen a uk programme called “long lost families” she was on there – her name is elsie brockbank) and his wife came to see her.  They’re a lovely couple, I won’t deny that, I just think we all need to get to know each other better.

Well I went round and the conversation got to aches and pains etc.  I said mine weren’t so bad since I got my new memory foam mattress.  Kath piped up with “Well just wait till you’re our age an everything will hurt.”

Erm…. excuse me (Kath is grans bff) did you miss the part about my chronic pain illnesses? I refreshed her memory about fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and rheumatoid arthritis.  Triple threat.  NEWS FLASH: I ALREADY HURT ALL THE TIME and the fact everyone just brushed over what I had said really pisses me off.

Just wanna say RIP to my cousin Alan, who 9 years ago today took his own life.  Never forgotten you.


So I’ve been going to CBT for a while now, at last two months – probably longer and I’ve been working through my modules (yup I get homework) I can really see how my thinking has changed.

There are hypothetical scenarios in the modules and I genuinely , when I started them, used to get anxiety attacks just THINKING about these things happening to me, but now I can see the funny side of the scenarios and have a laugh.  My reactions are much more laid back now and not so anxiety driven.

I think I’ve misplaced a module though. I have modules 1, 2, 3, 4 and 6. I see Olivia next week so I’ll see if I can get it then.

My tattoo is healing up really well.  It didn’t scab up at all and is now shedding skin.  Yummy.  Feel like a fucking snake.  My conch is 50/50. The front is doing okay but the back is still all euww so I’ve started taking the o ring off and cleaning under it to try and sort it out.  I need to get a longer piece of jewellery for it which I will deal with tomorrow.


This is me.  I love my kindle tab.  Its camera is not that bad.  I’ll try and add a picture to each post I send from my kindle

Fuck its been a while

I do apologise, I’ve just felt like I’ve had nothing noteworthy to blog and I don’t wanna just ramble?

I also apologise for any spelling errors.  I have a bluetooth keyboard for my kindle and it can’t quite keep up with my typing speed just yet XD.
I also have NO IDEA why this is all in a quote….. seriously……..

SO what has been going on?  I’ve seen Olivia this week and she’s really happy with my progress.  It really good that I’m not having to consciously think about how I am reacting to something and then change my thinking, it’s happening on a more automatic basis now which is great because it means I’m not so mentally fatigued and it’s making my life much easier.  I’m less stressed on the whole so I’m finding it easier to deal with shit that happens.  I’m also not so nervous about randomly talking to people…. 

Continue reading Fuck its been a while

Little update

Last night was the first night since I started my new meds that I didn’t dream.  Was kinda weird.

There’s still something in my room, and we’ve had a dog like shadow running around has well which is equally has weird as my lack of dreams.  I see my doctor this coming week so I can get more meds.

On a completely unrelated note; WELL DONE AUSTRIA!!! For those of you who have no fucking clue what I’m on about, I’m talking about Eurovision 2014 and for the life of me I cannot spell the name of the lady who won.

Anyway its 2.07am so I’m going to bed.

Persona (Blue Man Group)

Every morning I put it on.
I walk outside and I am gone.
And I don’t seem to mind anymore.
I can’t think what it was like before.
I wore it all the time.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

In the evening I take it off,
But there’s another one underneath,
And I can’t seem to find the bottom of the stack I
Just might lose my mind and never get it back, but
At least I’ll get inside.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

At least I’ll get inside.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

There’s a feeling that I get sometimes.
It’s so small that it’s easy to hide.
It’s like a howling voice from the distant past.
It seems I’ve got no choice when it comes to this.
It’s building up inside.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

It’s building up inside.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

Shadow People

shadow person (also known as a shadow figureshadow being or black mass) is an alleged paranormal entity. It is believed by skeptics to be a type of hallucination where the subject perceives a patch of shadow in their peripheral vision to be a living, humanoid figure. However, paranormal researcher Heidi Hollis has expressed the belief that shadow people are malevolent supernatural entities.

that gets that out the way…. if you do not believe in the paranormal in any way then this is not the post for you.  however, if you are open minded to the possibility, no problems.

Continue reading Shadow People

Cinco De Mayo

i have no clue if i spelled that right but whatev.

what a damned weekend! On Friday i get a call from my mum about twenty to six telling me they would be late home.  actually her first words were “you’re never gonna believe what’s happened….” then her phone lost signal.  induce panic state.  it took another five minutes for her to actually get through and for me to find out they had another car accident (last one was three years ago).  luckily this one wasn’t as bad as the last, some idiot took his eyes off the road and ended up “bumping” into the back end.  bumping hard enough however, to have bent the trunk plating so the trunk wont open and because it’s a three door hatchback (incl the trunk) the trunk is considered an escape and because it can’t be opened then it is not road safe.

Continue reading Cinco De Mayo