I know that probably 99% of my readers will be of the age that they take not bullshit about sex and sexual health. However there is that 1% that still think they either know it all or have already been given the correct information from friends and sometimes family.
In the following post, I won’t name names. That’s not what this is for in any way. It’s sort of an open ended question that’s bee running through my head for a good long while now.
So read on and find out just wtf I am talking about….
I have various sets of friends; and by sets I mean friends who have partners. They’re various ages ranging from 18 to 30 and over the past two or so years I’ve heard many a thing about sex from them. Course up until a couple of years ago (so this has probably been going on longer) I apparently had no idea what any of them were talking about (fyi; I don’t count myself as a virgin – I’ve never had sex with a man (up to this current point) however I have been penetrated with sex toys). Still, I am the one that some of my friends come to asking me sex advice (hell, I have a great imagination and actually listened in health class and sex ed – plus I’m not afraid or embarrassed to go research something if I’m not sure).
Please not that the three couples I’m gonna reference today, the ladies are all on some form of contraception. I believe two are on the Pill and one as the IUD (the coil). None of them are using any other form of contraception I.e. condoms. Of course in each of these pairs there is always a “reason” for not using a condom.
Couple [A] “I’m firing blanks, I can’t get anyone pregnant.”
Couple [B] “I’m on the Pill, it’s fine”
Couple [C] “Condoms leak though…”
OK so [A] has never actually been told he is firing blanks, he’s just rather overweight and has been lucky so far that he hasn’t got anyone pregnant…. let’s not go into that though. [B] as been with her partner for longer than I’ve known them and have no reason to believe STD’s are a risk, she sid if she got pregnant it would be fine. [C] well…. I’ve heard some excuses for not using a condom, this one really takes the cake though. This is exactly what he said to me on the subject….
“….no my mum told me that because of my age…” (he’s not even 20 yet) “….and the amount of….well y’know…. that I produce and the amount of sex we’re having that the condom would actually leak anyway, so what’s the point?”
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at this and had to quickly explain that, nope…. that’s bullshit and the only way a condom leaks is if someone has put a hole in it on purpose. He and his GF (who’s one of my besties) went on to say that if she got pregnant that would be fine. They’re happy with that. I didn’t have the heart, or maybe I have too much and didn’t wanna hurt them, to say that they’re both under 25 and only he has a job at this point. They also have nowhere to live (long story, don’t ask) if she gets pregnant which means a rapid search for a house/flat that will allow a baby and help from JCP/DWP to pay rent. Not the best start for them as a family. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work because honestly, I have no idea and can’t see the future for these things i’m being realistic (which I get told to be a lot right now…..so here you go, realism…..)
Moving sort of onwards – this whole thing got me thinking about the “state” of our country (The UK on a whole actually) and I believe we have our highest teenage pregnancy rate. It dumb founds me. I do remember when I was in school (final three years so 14-16) many of the girls were going out, getting drunk and having lots of sex. They were open about it too (though I think some of them were embellishing a little) and I was always looked on as the frigid, frizzy haired, freckled geek who would forever be a virgin (HA!! FUCK YOU BIATCHES! ….I mean….. uuh….). But I always looked at them as the weird ones…. back then (oh the good ol’ days) being called a slut, hoe, whore… it was the worst thing you could call those girls, it was true though. I never understood why having sex was a big deal and then one day one of the girls said to be “Cuz it means you’re a grown up innit…..a woman…. and the more men you sleep wiv the more pretty it means you are….”
Even then I realised, they were validating themselves through sex. They wanted to be grown ups so fast but they didn’t realise that your teenage years are the best years of your life (apparently). After that I was forever just known as “frigid”. That is what they would call me. Never my name. I didn’t really care though, not deep down. Because I knew I didn’t need a boy (or a man) to validate me and make me feel happy or feel good about myself. It didn’t quite work though because by then even though I was trying my best to feel good about myself, I was bullied mercilessly. The bruises and cuts and whatever – they healed…. the names, the jibes, the cruel accusations – they stuck with me…. but that’s another blog post.
I’ll never begrudge any adult who sleeps around, in fact anyone….. if that’s what you’re gonna do – that’s what you’re gonna do. All I can think is that you REALLY need to protect yourself and not just from pregnancy. STD’s/STI’s…. they’re out there and it just takes ONE person that you sleep with to fuck up your life….HIV. it’s a ticking time bomb and once you have it then you don’t know how long your timer will be. It’s not about teaching kids NOT TO HAVE SEX, cuz SEX IS BAD M’KAY….. sex is great….. it’s actually about teaching these kids from a young age that, it may not be sexy to put on a condom (though there are ways *winky face*) and it may seem like a passion killer to them…. STD’s are more of a passion killer. Making that phone call to the people you’ve had unprotected sex with and telling them that they need to get checked out. That is a phone call I never want to ever have to make or receive…. so when I do have sex with a man – I’ll use a condom. And if he doesn’t want too then he can just fuck off and screw someone else.
The other MAJOR issue I have found…. up to the age of 25 (in the UK) you can get a C-Card, free condoms basically. After that you gotta pay £6 or £8 a box…. if you want young people (actually people in general) to use condoms and protect themselves, why are they so expensive? Why not make them more readily available at a lower price. For a start you can stop making the ones with flavours – they’re disgusting and your vagina don’t taste the damned thing…. though glow I the dark ones are fun…. being a star wars fan it’s quite funny imagining the man I am going to have sex with having a light sabre for a penis….. “come to the dark side” has a whole new meaning.
Getting back on track and serious again….. we’re still having to cut back our expenses and having to figure out “Hmm… can we afford to have sex this week? We need condoms….. damnit…..” cuz having a baby would cost a whole lot more and an STD could cost you your reproductive organs and/or your life.
So here is my open ended and possibly rhetorical question…. why the fuck don’t the companies make condoms more affordable? Won’t don’t schools/colleges teach the kids the real importance of having to use a condom? Why are “people” (and by that I mean anyone from young teen and up) so willing to gamble their lives just for a quick shag? Is sex really that important to you?