If you don’t live with it….

So within this blog I am going to be painfully honest to the point of upsetting people and sometimes it needs to be done.

If you don’t live with a chronic illness (and for the sake of this blog we shall use fibromyalgia as the example) not try and say you understand what I am going through when even my closest friends and family have no clue what so ever.

Don’t try and liken your illnesses and ailments to what I (and many others) go through on an hourly basis because, without this sounding the way it will, it’s nothing like what I go through.

If I could swap my entire skeleton, soft tissues etc for a new set I would take that up in a flash. You may be in pain, I have no doubt you have pain, the difference is mine is ALWAYS THERE AND WILL NEVER GO AWAY, yours can easily be treated with painkillers…. mine can be treated but it doesn’t get rid of it completely…. and there just comes to a time when it builds up and up and up and then nothing fucking helps.  I’ve been through various flares and ONE FMS crisis and I hope and pray to whatever gods are listening that if I have to go through another crisis it isn’t for a very long time and I can be curled up in bed for the week that it happens.

I am not trying to poop on your own illnesses and/or ailments. I empathise with you because pain is the least of my issues….. shall we go in to them? Pain, hypersensitivity, bowel and bladder issues, insomnia, PAINsomnia (wherein you are in so much pain that you cannot sleep), memory loss, chronic depression, neuropathy, bad circulation, temporary blindness (this has happened to me and my GODS it’s terrifying), hearing issues, shakes, hot flushes, cold sweats (without any kind of a heads up as to when it will happen), balance issues, lack of coordination, chronic migraines…. I’ll stop there because there are literally hundreds more symptoms and issues related to fibromyalgia. 

I have learned not to go into detail when someone says “hey how are you?” Because generally healthy people don’t want to hear about why you can barely walk ten steps without having to stop. And likewise we learn not to complain a lot.  We don’t want to come across has hypochondriac or attention seeking; we are neither. 

Today I went to town with my grans again.  I don’t know why I do it anymore because the amount of stress it puts me under is ridiculous.  I came home and was close to crying because of how Kath acts.

My actual Gran (Elsie) has a chest infection and has had it over a week but she felt the need to have to go in to town today to get some shopping done,  we have 60 MP/H winds today rain too.  I know when it comes right down to it, this was Gran’s choice…..however Kath never offered to do it for her.  Then she spent the entire time complaining because THE DOCTOR CANNOT FIND ANYTHING WRONG, she is the only person I know who isn’t happy when there is nothing wrong.  She has restless leg syndrome caused by a neck operation she had four ish years ago.  But that’s not good enough for her.  There MUST be something else wrong and the doctor WILL find out or they will just have to refer her.  I can sympathise with RLS because I suffer with myoclonic jerks, not just in my legs but in my entire body…..I KNOW there is nothing that can be done and that’s fine,  I just have to deal with it.  She also has arthritis in her lower back and hips (so do I) and hers is down to age but THAT isn’t “good enough” for her; there just HAS to be something else. An hour later and she’s in the sweet shop saying that she’s never one to complain.  HOW FUCKING DARE SHE? She always complains, it’s all she ever does is complain.  It puts me off going to see my gran because Kath is there 90% of the time and I don’t want to hear about how this hurts or that hurts and nothing can be done or the doctor isn’t doing enough.  It’s bullshit. Life is not about her.

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