So I’ve made posts about my voices before but I honestly can’t remember if I’ve gone in depth or not. Apologies in advance if this is just a repeat. There will be what’s going on NOW after the break.
Snap – makes me hate myself, everything about myself. Anything bad that happens I deserve. I always had it coming to me. He makes me self harm and believe I deserve to be scarred. I see him with flames.
Crackle – eloquent shit with long words like eloquent. Makes me seem like I ate a dictionary for my breakfast. He wears a monocle.
Pop – giggly funny drunk. When I find something hilarious this is the guy who comes out. This is who makes me giggle like a looney. 9 times out of 10 when I’m drunk you can say hi to pop.
And they aren’t just voices. They present themselves as personalities. Which leaves people walking on eggshells incase SNAP appears.
So with everything that’s going in with scooby…. He sees the vet on may 2nd And we will be talking about quality of life and our options depending on what his check up finds. Due to this SNAP is being a fuck. Here’s a run down of what he’s telling me.
“You don’t deserve a pet”
“You didn’t love him enough”
“You didn’t help him enough”
“He was never yours to keep”
“You want him to die”
“You never wanted him”
“You never lived him”
“You got bored of him”
And no matter how much I tell him to fuck off and stop it because none of it is true he just laughs maniacly…and if I tell someone what’s going on in my head He just sits there grinning saying “do you know how crazy you sound?” Yes I fucking do but it’s all I got.
I see the psych doctor on 1st of May. I can’t get in sooner.
Last night I had terrible dreams that I was the one pushing the plunger and killing scooby.