This is why I hate any surgery

It has taken me 12 years to be able to write this down….

I’m now 29 but when I was 17, after dislocating my left knee four times, surgeons decided I needed an operation to figure out why is was happening and to fix whatever was wrong.

The day came and I was so nervous. Terrified in fact but I couldn’t put a rational thought to it as to why.  My surgeon was lovely, always remembered his name as Duttah (literally pronounced as dutt-ah).

As I was wheeled into the anaesthetic room I began to tremble terribly so the anaesthatist held my hand to calm me while nurses hooked me up to machines.

He told me I would be fine, he would look after me. By now I was crying and didn’t want to go in but again he calmed me by just talked to me about every day things; where I lived, my hobbies, my family et cetera. He was still holding my hand when he inserted the cannula and asked me to count back from 10.

I didn’t get to 7 but as I dropped off I heard the machines starting to beep and alarm.  I didn’t have time to really think about it before I was under.

I woke up fighting the nurses, screaming and in a lot of pain – but not in my knee area; that felt fine and it immediately struck me as very odd – surely it should be my knee hurting like hell? Not my stomach, ribs and chest.  The anaesthatist came over and stroked my hair; he told me I was safe and that he looked after me like he said. 

He also said “it’s good to have you back”. I was confused and scared.  It wasn’t until two days later that we found out fully what happened. 

My blood pressure had dropped to almost nothing while they were operating.  It had been very low when I went in….. Which is why machines were making noise as I went under. It then dropped to nothing and I was clinically dead (6+ minutes) twice during the operation. They got me back (obviously) both times in under 8 minutes using a de-fib machine.

What really is terrifying was I didn’t see a bright light. I didn’t see anyone to welcome me…. I remember this clearly.  I woke up after the operation fighting and screaming at the nurses, trying to pull out cannulas and an oxygen mask….  I don’t know what I saw but I know that whatever it was wasn’t nice and I never want to experience it again.

Anyway, that’s my story.  Putting it down into words, a timeline…. Has given me chills and I’m now shaking; maybe it’s the absolute fear of the unknown or maybe it’s because I’ve seen what’s waiting for me on the other side…..

‘m now 29 but when I was 17, after dislocating my left knee four times, surgeons decided I needed an operation to figure out why is was happening and to fix whatever was wrong.

The day came and I was so nervous. Terrified in fact but I couldn’t put a rational thought to it as to why.  My surgeon was lovely, always remembered his name as Duttah (literally pronounced as dutt-ah).

As I was wheeled into the anaesthetic room I began to tremble terribly so the anaesthatist held my hand to calm me while nurses hooked me up to machines.

He told me I would be fine, he would look after me. By now I was crying and didn’t want to go in but again he calmed me by just talked to me about every day things; where I lived, my hobbies, my family et cetera. He was still holding my hand when he inserted the cannula and asked me to count back from 10.

I didn’t get to 7 but as I dropped off I heard the machines starting to beep and alarm.  I didn’t have time to really think about it before I was under.

I woke up fighting the nurses, screaming and in a lot of pain – but not in my knee area; that felt fine and it immediately struck me as very odd – surely it should be my knee hurting like hell? Not my stomach, ribs and chest.  The anaesthatist came over and stroked my hair; he told me I was safe and that he looked after me like he said. 

He also said “it’s good to have you back”. I was confused and scared.  It wasn’t until two days later that we found out fully what happened. 

My blood pressure had dropped to almost nothing while they were operating.  It had been very low when I went in….. Which is why machines were making noise as I went under. It then dropped to nothing and I was clinically dead (6+ minutes) twice during the operation. They got me back (obviously) both times in under 8 minutes using a de-fib machine.

What really is terrifying was I didn’t see a bright light. I didn’t see anyone to welcome me…. I remember this clearly.  I woke up after the operation fighting and screaming at the nurses, trying to pull out cannulas and an oxygen mask….  I don’t know what I saw but I know that whatever it was wasn’t nice and I never want to experience it again.

Anyway, that’s my story.  Putting it down into words, a timeline…. Has given me chills and I’m now shaking; maybe it’s the absolute fear of the unknown or maybe it’s because I’ve seen what’s waiting for me on the other side…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s