So yesterday the Macmillan Nurse visited (omg she’s amazing and has sponsored my “Brave The Shave” with £5!)

We had A LOT to talk about and luckily it was just mum, gran and me.

Gran has an official DNR which will be posted near her front door.  This way if she falls unconscious and an ambulance is called, they will make her comfortable by putting her in bed or her chair or something and she won’t go into hospital.

That was her biggest fear; she doesn’t want to die in hospital.  She wants to die at home – and I can understand that.

She’s getting a bed delivered next week so she isn’t sleeping on the sofa – she can’t make it up the stairs any more because she gets so out of breath.  She’s also getting a kamode (sp?) and some pressure relieving cushions to make sitting and sleeping easier.

The hardest part was talking about a time scale.   Mum had already talked to a nurse who said about eight months and that was in December – so we’re already almost half way.

It’s gran’s 81st birthday this May 24; so we’re gonna have a party for her. She wants a party so she’ll get one.  Its the least we can do. 

She’s already started clearing cupboards and wardrobes so we don’t have too.  

I don’t know how I feel.  Everything is messed up in my head and I don’t know what to say or feel.

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