I want to preface this by saying, my mum is amazing; not because I’m gonna say anything bad, simply because it’s the truth.
I count myself incredibly lucky. Sure, we argue and we really get on each other’s wick at times, we get stressed and we both react to stress the same way – we get angry and we take it out on those closest to us. For me that’s my gf and my mum who are in the direct line of fire. For my mum… It’s simply me.
I’m sort of a lightening rod; and I’m okay with that. If it means she’s less stressed and more able to deal with just wtf is going on – then so be it, I can deal with that.
I really feel for my mum. I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I can be harsh, I can lose my temper, I can get very upset and I lash out [verbally].
There are days, sometimes weeks, where I will feel so fucking useless. Yesterday was one of them. I couldn’t even carry a plastic bag of my own stuff because it offset my balance so badly. I had to stop every few minutes because of the agony I was [and still am] in. We have come to a horrible conclusion that unless I have a wheelchair it’s doubtful I can “do Peterborough” again for a while.
My mum is dealing with so much right now; My Gran has cancer and it’s gonna kill her. Mum is gonna go through what is likely to be, a messy divorce. Add to all that, that I am becoming increasingly unable to get myself out and about because of the pain I am in.
My mum doesn’t deserve this. She’s an amazing lady and the amount of shit life has thrown at her and that she’s beaten and got through, is unfair.
She was saying how she’d love to just have a day off….. A day completely to herself where she doesn’t have to worry about anything and just….. Do whatever. She deserves that and more.
I wish I could actually help. I wish I could help run around after Gran. I wish I could go get a job. I wish my body wasn’t failing me.
I don’t tell my mum enough how much I appreciate her and everything she does, not just for me but for the rest of the family as well as my friends. She is absolutely amazing and I can’t say it enough.
Mum, thank you.
My mum is actually on Twitter as well 🙂 I’m sure she won’t mind some new followers. She lurks more than posts but she does answer. Her Twitter is here.
Note; the next person who tells me that I need to lose weight, exercise more and “suck it up” will be sucking their food through a straw when I knock out all their teeth.