I need a Vacation

No word of a lie.

I have mental health issues and I’m an empath. So with everything going in around here I’m at breaking point.

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Two days ago I had a mini melt down and it all started because I tried to change my septum and it all fucked up and I lost the piercing. 

Cue me having a meltdown and sobbing uncontrollably against my mum.

I need a vacation – I need to get away from everything going on at home; whether that’s going to see my girlfriend, going to Norway or having a weekend in London. I need to get away.

I am completely overwhelmed by emotions; fear, anger, guilt, sadness… And theyre all coming at me all at once. Its getting to the point where I cannot cope.

But…. Mum has made it very clear that I can’t get away “until all this is over”, meaning when gran has passed, when Michael has taken her to court and when everything is settled. That could be six months from now, maybe longer, and I can’t fucking do this!

I feel selfish and guilty for wanting to get away and recharge my batteries. I want to forget about everything going on and just relax for a fucking weekend at the very least.

But no, because mum needs my emotional support. I love my mum to bits and I hate that I feel this way.

Sometimes I snuggle with my demons, sometimes we dance but recently I’ve just been in a boxing ring with them and they don’t seem to stfu.

I understand my mum needs me and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t care because I truly do; there’s just only so much I can do when running on fumes.

Is it bad of me to want to chill and relax and not think about what’s going on?  Is it bad I just want to get away for a weekend and forget that Michael is being a nasty piece of shit bully who’s throwing his toys out the pram, that my gran is dying and that my mum is heading for a complete breakdown because she’s running on empty too.

I’m sorry for sounding petty and selfish.

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