Well this weekend marks a year since we found out about your lies and mum told you where to go.
This year hasn’t be easy and I’m pretty sure we’re being punished for shit from a past life…. However there have been a lot more laughs, more heart felt conversations and I’m closer to my mum than before.
It’s not until someone is gone from your life that you realise how much they actually controlled every situation for their own ends, no matter what they were.
I may have lost my dad, the “man” who stepped up to look after a child that wasn’t his… But in the process I found myself.
Yes I do miss my dad, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. There are times I’ll see something funny and think “oh dad would….” And I have to stop myself from saving it or forwarding the link on to you.
I know there is no chance in hell you’ll see this. You were never interested in reading my blog or knowing what was going on with me; for the longest time I didn’t realise that and when I did, it hurt. It physically hurt me because up until the last few months before you left, I made the effort to listen to you and make sure you were okay. Obviously you were a better liar than we give you credit for.
It’s strange how we measure years…. Most people its jan-dec but when something traumatic happens it can skew your perception of time without you even knowing. Our new year didn’t start on Jan 1st and it won’t start until the divorce proceedings are over and we’ve moved. Once the house is actually sold and we’ve moved out and the divorce is finalised we never have to think of you again.
I’ll tell you a secret…. And I know you wouldn’t care. The last time you came round, to help with the boiler you fucked up, it was me who had to call you because you wouldn’t answer the phone to mum and you didn’t even look at me. You didn’t ask after me. You were cold and calculated and you weren’t my dad.
I cried for an hour and didn’t sleep that night because of how shitty I felt. Because of how your actions made me feel.
I think mum and I deserve happiness in our lives – we deserve some good luck and good Karma. If anyone deserves the shit it’s you and your whore. You’re the ones who only thought of yourselves.
That being said, I hope the coming months and years give you everything you deserve. May your wedding be…. Interesting. Thats if you do get married. It wouldn’t surprise me if one or both of you decided to move onto the next poor sap.
Have fun. Live your life and may it ever be full of what you deserve.