I meant to do this much sooner than I have; however I wanted to get it all written out, or at least my thoughts written down so I knew where I was gonna go with this.
I figured the best way was to just go point by point of a tumblr post (surprise surprise), that meant well but is actually quite problematic for many.
So here is the post….
And after the jump we’ll go through it together.
- I also wish to note that this whole post refers to penis-in-vagina intercourse.
“Your first time is not supposed to hurt”
50/50. This one is very dependant on the two people involved. First time is nerve wracking for so many reasons and one of those is the thought that it WILL hurt.
Get your partner to concentrate a lot on foreplay; we know from my last sex blog post that the vagina stretches and “loosens” when the owner of that vagina is turned on – the more relaxed and turned on you are the less pain; also lube is a thing, it will help.
Make sure you communicate with your partner – do they know this is your first time? Is this their first time? There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of either way and communication is still key. If they’re aware and have had sex before, they should know to take a bit more time on foreplay and to take the actual penis-going-into-vagina part slowly. If you’re both virgins it’s a learning experience for you both, however that doesn’t mean you can drop communication. Don’ be afraid to… Give some direction; it can be quite a turn on in itself.
The first time a penis is inside your vagina can be uncomfortable and yes, there can be a small amount of pain; HOWEVER it shouldn’t last long. Get your partner to be still when inside you – kiss and use hands while you get used to the feeling of them being there. Again, take it slow – there’s no rush.
“You are not supposed to bleed. If you bleed that’s not your cherry being “popped” it’s tearing due to lack of lubrication and arousal.”
Firstly can we stop with the “popping the cherry” thing? Again in my last sex blog we learned that’s not what happens. The hymen doesn’t pop or break; it stretches and YES this can cause spotting.
If both partners are virgins there is a chance of minimal injury to the vaginal walls as, to be blunt, neither partner knows what they’re doing. Again, nothing to be embarrassed about, there is nothing wrong with this. Listen to your body vagina-haver and by all means tell them to stop.
When you read/get told (as a vagina-haver) that you’ll bleed during/after your first time, you think of bleeding. This is very rarely the case and it’s more likely to be spotting which is exactly what it sounds like – light spots of blood and maybe only for a couple of days at most.
It’s also 100% normal for sex to trigger a period, even if you aren’t due one.
I want to now note that some vagina-havers, have incredibly sensitive vaginal walls and cervix areas. I am one of them; my smear test always makes me spot blood – no pain, just a little spotting of blood in the 12 hours following and sex toys have also triggered this. It’s usually completely normal and fine, however if you have a concern don’t hesitate to talk to a GYN nurse – it’s ALWAYS better to be safe.
“This is all a myth perpetrated by men so they don’t have to make sure you’re comfortable…. It is an excuse to disregard and hurt you…”
STOP. Right. There. Can we PLEASE stop tarring all men with the same dirty brush! None of this info is “perpetrated by men” its backed up by scientific evidence and experience. Not all men are assholes and the more you generalise about things like this, the more likely it will be that they turn into assholes believing all feminists hate men.
And yes, I did say “Not all men” because the O.P. badly generalised and it’s unfounded & unfair.
A LOT of men don’t know this stuff, strangely most sex ed classes (in the UK at least) are separated and then as we all grow up it’s drilled into our heads that we shouldn’t talk about sex… So we grow up NOT communicating with our sexual partners in the future.
Also I want to dispel the myth that the hymen is a status or indication of virginity. No. Virginity is nothing but a social/religious construct. It’s okay to have lots of sex. It’s okay to not have sex. It’s okay to only have one sexual partner or a thousand.
In ye olde tymes; virgins were “special” because they were seen as “pure”… They were a bargaining chip and a sacrifice to various gods/animals/beliefs. We’re in 2017, I dare say that most of the world has moved on from that.
The hymen can stretch due to many non-sex related things; horse riding, tampon use, sports, yoga…
A few more random thoughts…
- Needing to pee after sex is 100% normal – it’s actually recommend to vagina-havers as it decreases the possibility of a UTI.
- You may find it a little hard to pee because of orgasm – wait a couple of minutes while everything relaxes again.
- Both penis-havers and vagina-havers can get genital thrush. In some cases it’s down to too much sex – it’s seen a lot in newly married couples on honeymoon who take full advantage of their hotel room.
- It’s common to develop thrust after your first time; yes even with a condom. While it is an STI you can develop it from any number of things – after all it is caused by a pH imbalance and even a cheap perfumed soap or body wash can cause a vagina to develop thrush.
- If you haven’t read my last sex blog; That’s not How a Vagina Works just click any of the links.
- If you have a question just reply to the blog in the comments session.
- Trolls will be ignored.