I don’t want to see your before and after… (BoPo blog)

Just a heads up that this blog is gonna contain fat-talk, real-talk, weight-loss talk….everything. So if you think any of this may be a trigger to you then proceed with caution. I’ll put it all under a cut ❤️

I hope you’re all having a great week and have a great weekend.

This blog is dedicated to anyone (male or female and anyone in-between or outside those binaries) who has to fight the urge to hate themselves whenever they see a friend or relative posting before & after pics and eluding to fat being ugly or less than… You’re all amazing and deserve to be happy at every size.

In this day and age – i.e. the age of social media and eyes watching your every move – it’s hard to completely get away from diet talk, weight loss talk and numbers in general; tape measures, clothing labels, bathroom scales – they’re everywhere, from doctor’s offices to shoppings mall’s to the magazine’s we so readily consume to try and get away from our day-to-day life.

To many people these numbers mean nothing … Just a number, to others it can evoke a flood of mixed emotions… Especially when the numbers involved are coming from friends who are celebrating their weight loss and including those “inspirational” before and after pictures.

For me personally, it’s all about how you word things.

I understand that your weight loss is personal to you and there is an array of reasons for it… However if your captions have anything to do with implying that being fat is “bad” or makes you inherently ugly in some way, then you’re losing weight for the wrong reasons.

I have on a handful of occasions had quite heated discussions with current friends and former friends about their use of before and after and their reasons for weight loss, and I have absolutely fallen out with people over their resistance to even try and understand a different perspective than theirs. Hell, I’ll do it again too I’m sure if it.

Here’s the thing… How do you think it makes your fat friends feel when they see your captions talking about things like “I can’t believe how fat I used to be” and “I feel so fat *insert sad face here*” and then there’s the “I won’t ever let myself get to that size again” and “I refuse to be fat again“. How do you think that makes us feel when we see you’re disgusted at the thought of being our size? That we’re the horrifying “end result” of your so-called bad habits?

Other offenders are the “I need to get beach body ready” and “I need to slim down for my wedding dress/honeymoon”.

First of all… You’re already beach-body ready. You have a body, you go to the beach. There you’re done. Secondly… There’s no need to slim down or “get in shape” for your wedding dress/honeymoon. Your partner fell in love with you as you are and I can guarantee that you could probably wear a stylised trash-bag and they’d still say you’re the most beautiful…

“But I want to feel beautiful!” That phrase just implies that fat =\= beautiful which we all know is complete and utter bullshit.

The sad fact is that society would much rather celebrate thin-ness and shame those who aren’t an “average” size instead of just…. Letting us be.

But thin people also…..

Stop! I know where you’re going and yes, I am fully aware that thin people are often asked if they eat right or are told they need to put weight on to “look” healthy… While I’m in no way saying suck it up buttercup, I do want to point out that you can still walk into pretty much any clothing store in any mall and find clothes in your size, right there out on the shop floor without hassle.

Me? I have to go riiiiiight to a back corner somewhere out of view of the front entrances where there will be a handful of larger sized clothes that aren’t the same styles as the rest of the store. These sizes will be baggy and shapeless in muted earthy and neutral tones and will look like a sack of potatoes when worn.

OR…

I find the store doesn’t have a plus size section at all and when I ask about it I’m directed to the online store where I have to buy before I can even try.

When we do find good plus sized clothing it comes with a premium price tag because it’s a niche market and it’s being milked for every spare penny from people like me who just wanna look as good on the outside as we feel on the inside.

So please… Don’t start that “but thin people also…” Bullshit with me.

I genuinely don’t give a shit WHY someone is fat… What I do give a shit about is their absolute right to feel damn good about themselves. That includes their friends at least trying to be a little understanding if they’re asked to reword something or hold back on even posting the comparison pictures.

Earlier on I said for me it’s all about the wording; I will never not support my friend’s decisions to change something about themselves for themselves [because, fuck society] and that includes weight loss. I just ask that they think about WHY they want to lose weight… The usual answer is they want more confidence and my usual response is that confidence doesn’t come from weight loss and changing your appearance; it comes from changing your mentality and how you view your appearance.

Two statements…

¹. “Before & After my new lifestyle journey; feeling healthier and that makes me happier. Long may it continue.”

². “Before & After…lost 42lbs on my diet so far. Looking sexy and slim, ready for my beach holiday!”

One statement concentrates on a whole lifestyle change and doesn’t mention weight loss. The other statement is literally just about looking good and losing weight; it’s a short term fix only.

Diet culture has us wanting to believe there’s one perfect diet out there for us that’s gonna help us lose weight and feel great (Is that a slogan?)! But that food change isn’t gonna deal with whatever mental attitude has us believing that we need to lose that weight in the first place.

Being fat does NOT make you ugly and unable to wear whatever you want… It’s in your size? WEAR IT. Being fat does NOT make you unworthy of happiness & confidence. Being fat is NOT unsexy. Being fat does NOT stop your love life. It doesn’t matter that you have cellulite or stretch marks.

So… Before you post that before & after selfie think about whatever caption your putting in is gonna make those fat friends feel… Is it going to make them feel proud that you’re making a life change for yourself? …or is it going to make them feel ashamed to be what you never want(ed) to be…. Fat?

If by any sheer chance it’s the latter of those two options I suggest you ask yourself what’s so wrong with looking fat or being fat.

I’m not talking about health here, by the way… I’m going specifics to appearance because that’s what these before and after pics are about, right at their core.

They’re never about “my body was failing me in some way so I made changes and now I’m feeling better.”

They’re always about “look how fat I was then and how slim I am now! Don’t I look so much better.”

I stand by my previous comments about not needing a safe space from weight loss talk – because it’s all about how you talk about weight loss that matters… And the numbers don’t ever matter; the things that matter you can’t see and don’t inherently come from losing weight.

Now, you’ve made it this far? Great! Thank you! If you’re in need of some #RebelliousSelfLove then I suggest you check out SimplyMe-Blog.com which is full of fab pieces to remind you of how awesome you are; I highly recommend this particular article!

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