Due to the current issues I was sent for a mental health assessment on emergency. I’ve already been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and now it seems I’m on the bipolar scale and my anxiety is back.
I wrote this last night…. About midnight while having a breakdown.
I just told my mum that I may have to go to see my gf because of timing/money/previous plans/ease….
Seems to me like anxiety is the new bisexual.
Couple of years ago everyone was bisexual (and I’m not talking bicurious cuz I think everyone goes through that at some point) I mean full on bisexual. It was the “cool” or “in” thing to be.
you know when you’re told something but it isnt until you actually say it out loud yourself that it takes full effect?
i had a moment like that today and some very hard realities hit home.
1) my anti depressants arent working. not properly anyway. problem is before i can be put on anything else, i have to be weened off of these (i take three different happy pills), but i have to be off of ALL three of them before i can start new ones. i know for a fact that once i start coming off them….my world will turn upside down and i will be the hardest person to live with…. not only this but i know i’ll be self harming and suicidal once again. i know that my family and true friends will stick by me but….. im terrified if im not stable….i’ll lose my girlfriend….because if i can’t deal with me off my meds….who will?
I’ll start with my amazing holiday in Norway from 21st to 28th of July. I had some an awesome time, I don’t think I can accurately put it all into words.
Arrived 10.30pm (Norway time) on 21st so I pretty much went back to my BFF’s house and crashed. Had an early morning wake up call on 22nd at 4.30am (after being in bed about three hours) by my BFF’s daughter (who I shall refer to as munchkin for reasons you don’t need to know about) who wanted to play and talk and watch tv.
Read on for more….
So I’ve made posts about my voices before but I honestly can’t remember if I’ve gone in depth or not. Apologies in advance if this is just a repeat. There will be what’s going on NOW after the break.
Snap – makes me hate myself, everything about myself. Anything bad that happens I deserve. I always had it coming to me. He makes me self harm and believe I deserve to be scarred. I see him with flames.
Crackle – eloquent shit with long words like eloquent. Makes me seem like I ate a dictionary for my breakfast. He wears a monocle.
Pop – giggly funny drunk. When I find something hilarious this is the guy who comes out. This is who makes me giggle like a looney. 9 times out of 10 when I’m drunk you can say hi to pop.
And they aren’t just voices. They present themselves as personalities. Which leaves people walking on eggshells incase SNAP appears.
I’ve seen a lot of these types if posts and I want to share my story. Firstly I wanna say I’m sorry for my lack of activity. There’s a lot been happening but that’s for another day.
Read on for my story.
Continue reading Mental Health
OK so I recently posted something to instagram (http://instagram.com/p/wZa0NWomf1 ) and I want to expand on it a little more.
A few years ago after a very heavy drinking session including absinthe, I had a mini stroke. At first I didn’t think it had affected me that badly – a bit confused and weak on the left side but nothing terrible. Over the following weeks it became very apparent that my mental state had changed for the worse. I was already depressed but I had got it under control without the need for medication (which made me feel like I was a zombie). Three weeks after my mini stroke I was back on medication at a much higher dose than before. I also became angry quicker because I couldn’t actually show any other emotion. I was told by some friends my demeanour had changed, I became short and snapped a lot and my brain didn’t always engage properly so I didn’t (and still don’t) always think of someone else first and though I can still empathise with people it sometimes doesn’t work properly. Two ish years later I had another mini stroke caused by stress so everything got worse on that front and my brain is basically fuzzled.