So, it’s that time of year again where I sit, or lay, and reflect upon the last year of my life. Thing I’ve done wrong and learned lessons from, things that went incredibly right through nothing but luck (😂) and things that I wish had never happened.
So what am I thinking of? What sticks out? Read on and find out.
Continue reading Life updates and stuff!
I’ve wrote, deleted and re-wrote this so many times because, nothing seems to do my Gran any justice.
I always found it strange how people would say when someone dies they suddenly turn in to a saint.
Continue reading Remembering
It’s not until the hands of death reach for a loved one that we start questioning any of our beliefs… At least that’s what I’ve found about myself.
This blog won’t be for everyone and please know that NONE of what I say is meant to cause offence. I need to get shit off my chest and I feel this is the only way I can do it.
Continue reading Questioning Beliefs. Is there a God?
Ah… it’s a chronic illness blog – I’m gonna class this in my Fibro Updates tag, however this whole blog applies to every single chronic illness out there (I see you spoonies. I see you.)
Read on…. it may be a long one… I like to be thorough.
Continue reading Don’t Say These Things
Yesterday was so hard for me, mentally. Seeing what the cancer has turned you into and hearing with my own ears that you have no idea what’s going on or what you’re saying.
Continue reading Dear Gran
I’m staring blanky at the page and i have no clue where to even start with this blog so… It may jump around but, right now that’s what my brain is like.
Gran has lost the plot and her marbles are starting to scatter at an alarming rate. You cant hold a conversation with her because what you say and what she hears, aren’t in sync.
Continue reading Gran and health stuff
Where do i even start this one?! My brain is doing loops and criss-cross and…. Euch. (Also i now have no idea how to put a “break” in the post because my app updated and now that’s disappeared and i cant remember the HTML for it. Sorry.)
Ok so i moved out of gran’s because she was treating me like absolute shit. She passed racist and homophobic comments which made me very uncomfortable and even accused mum of stealing her money.
So we managed to find her a spot at a respite home for two weeks which was supposed to be peaceful. Didn’t end that way. She was constantly complaining she wanted to come home, she didn’t like it there, why couldn’t we just look after her? Everything to make us feel guilty. Didn’t work.
She came home last week on the understanding that neither me nor mum would live with her and that we cant take care of her so she would have to have home help. She was fine with that – until Friday when she told mum she didn’t want the home help she was perfectly fine on her own. Which is total bullshit. We told her she has two choices; home care twice a day or she goes into a nursing home full time and she won’t have a choice. She doesn’t want either and doesn’t (or won’t) listen to why she only has those two choices.
Her memory is totally fucked. She is denying saying anything offensive and accusing mum of stealing money. She swears blind she never treated me like shit or like a slave.
And once again…. She knows best. She knows everything. Oh and we have to stop shouting at her. Even when we weren’t shouting at her. She got pissed at me cuz i was talking to Kath and not her then snapped because mum was trying to say something. Truth is mum was counting to ten.
That person is not my gran any more. She looks like her but she isn’t acting like her.
So yesterday the Macmillan Nurse visited (omg she’s amazing and has sponsored my “Brave The Shave” with £5!)
We had A LOT to talk about and luckily it was just mum, gran and me.
Continue reading Timeline…
I dunno how I feel.
I wanna scream, laugh, cry and sit in a corner hugging a bottle of JD.
I feel numb but I feel like all my nerves are on edge at the same time.
I’m gonna watch my gran die…. And I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to take that mentally.
Continue reading Untitled ramblings
If a friend pisses you off or treats you like shit and you cut them off or put them in their place (when needed), nobody bats an eye at you…..
But as soon as you do it to a family member everyone loses their god damned fucking minds.
Continue reading Testing my Patience (Gran issues)