Yes… That is a Simpsons Movie reference – because it felt right!
You ever have those moments where you read something and go through a thought process and –BAM– shit hits you like a truck?
Yeah, well I just had one of those moments at 2am while scrolling tumblr because I still can’t sleep at night (that is a WHOLE OTHER BLOG for the future. Not now.)
So, it’s that time of year again where I sit, or lay, and reflect upon the last year of my life. Thing I’ve done wrong and learned lessons from, things that went incredibly right through nothing but luck (😂) and things that I wish had never happened.
So what am I thinking of? What sticks out? Read on and find out.
I will preface this with a CW.
There’s a lot of pent-up anger directed at two family members in this post.
Like… A lot; bordering on rage.
So the entire thing will go behind a cut.
Well this weekend marks a year since we found out about your lies and mum told you where to go.
This year hasn’t be easy and I’m pretty sure we’re being punished for shit from a past life…. However there have been a lot more laughs, more heart felt conversations and I’m closer to my mum than before.
It’s not until someone is gone from your life that you realise how much they actually controlled every situation for their own ends, no matter what they were.
I may have lost my dad, the “man” who stepped up to look after a child that wasn’t his… But in the process I found myself.
Yes I do miss my dad, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. There are times I’ll see something funny and think “oh dad would….” And I have to stop myself from saving it or forwarding the link on to you.
I know there is no chance in hell you’ll see this. You were never interested in reading my blog or knowing what was going on with me; for the longest time I didn’t realise that and when I did, it hurt. It physically hurt me because up until the last few months before you left, I made the effort to listen to you and make sure you were okay. Obviously you were a better liar than we give you credit for.
It’s strange how we measure years…. Most people its jan-dec but when something traumatic happens it can skew your perception of time without you even knowing. Our new year didn’t start on Jan 1st and it won’t start until the divorce proceedings are over and we’ve moved. Once the house is actually sold and we’ve moved out and the divorce is finalised we never have to think of you again.
I’ll tell you a secret…. And I know you wouldn’t care. The last time you came round, to help with the boiler you fucked up, it was me who had to call you because you wouldn’t answer the phone to mum and you didn’t even look at me. You didn’t ask after me. You were cold and calculated and you weren’t my dad.
I cried for an hour and didn’t sleep that night because of how shitty I felt. Because of how your actions made me feel.
I think mum and I deserve happiness in our lives – we deserve some good luck and good Karma. If anyone deserves the shit it’s you and your whore. You’re the ones who only thought of yourselves.
That being said, I hope the coming months and years give you everything you deserve. May your wedding be…. Interesting. Thats if you do get married. It wouldn’t surprise me if one or both of you decided to move onto the next poor sap.
Have fun. Live your life and may it ever be full of what you deserve.
Where do i even start this one?! My brain is doing loops and criss-cross and…. Euch. (Also i now have no idea how to put a “break” in the post because my app updated and now that’s disappeared and i cant remember the HTML for it. Sorry.)
Ok so i moved out of gran’s because she was treating me like absolute shit. She passed racist and homophobic comments which made me very uncomfortable and even accused mum of stealing her money.
So we managed to find her a spot at a respite home for two weeks which was supposed to be peaceful. Didn’t end that way. She was constantly complaining she wanted to come home, she didn’t like it there, why couldn’t we just look after her? Everything to make us feel guilty. Didn’t work.
She came home last week on the understanding that neither me nor mum would live with her and that we cant take care of her so she would have to have home help. She was fine with that – until Friday when she told mum she didn’t want the home help she was perfectly fine on her own. Which is total bullshit. We told her she has two choices; home care twice a day or she goes into a nursing home full time and she won’t have a choice. She doesn’t want either and doesn’t (or won’t) listen to why she only has those two choices.
Her memory is totally fucked. She is denying saying anything offensive and accusing mum of stealing money. She swears blind she never treated me like shit or like a slave.
And once again…. She knows best. She knows everything. Oh and we have to stop shouting at her. Even when we weren’t shouting at her. She got pissed at me cuz i was talking to Kath and not her then snapped because mum was trying to say something. Truth is mum was counting to ten.
That person is not my gran any more. She looks like her but she isn’t acting like her.
I’ll put it after the cut. She’s still playing the pity party. She has no clue how i feel so i did the only thing i could…. I wrote a letter….
I’ll put a trigger warning of anxiety, stress and specifically family stress/anger/upset and everything will be after the break.
Sooooo i spent the last few days with my lovely lady Vicky, we had a really relaxed time. Lots of laughs and gaming with Minecraft pocket edition. Movies. YouTube. Snuggles. Perfect. We even peopled on Tuesday so i rewarded us with McDonald’s.
I got home on Friday; the journey, although seated, was hot and sticky and Euch.