So yesterday the Macmillan Nurse visited (omg she’s amazing and has sponsored my “Brave The Shave” with £5!)
We had A LOT to talk about and luckily it was just mum, gran and me.
I dunno how I feel.
I wanna scream, laugh, cry and sit in a corner hugging a bottle of JD.
I feel numb but I feel like all my nerves are on edge at the same time.
I’m gonna watch my gran die…. And I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to take that mentally.
If a friend pisses you off or treats you like shit and you cut them off or put them in their place (when needed), nobody bats an eye at you…..
But as soon as you do it to a family member everyone loses their god damned fucking minds.
I’m slightly drunk, I’m tearful and I have thousands of thoughts running through my head…. It’s 01.36 on Jan 1st and the only way I’m gonna sleep is to blog and get it out of my head (or at least just a few thoughts…)
It may be a new year but is it really a whole new start…. At least yet? How can it be a new start when we’re still being bombarded from all sides with enough shit (figuratively) to keep a field nicely covered?
On Wednesday we found out my Gran has lung cancer. She’s 80 and smokes 30-40 a day, she has no intention of stopping as she says “the damage is done.” I can see her point but considering she’s not having chemo, only radiotherapy which is less invasive, stopping her habbit would at least prolong her time on this earth and would definitely help with her current 40% lung capacity and 72% blood oxygen level (I believe normal levels are between 93-97%).
So I may have said some bad things about Kath in the past, and I admit that isn’t fair, she helps my gran a lot and to be honest I do loves Kath to pieces.
Today we found out that (gran) Kath has bowel cancer. She had a full body scan last week. Her doctor said there is a lymph node that looks suspect on Dec 10th she will have an operation, presumably to get rid of that node and any other areas that need to be dealt with. About a month after we think she will have chemo to stop any other areas from being affected.