I’ve wrote, deleted and re-wrote this so many times because, nothing seems to do my Gran any justice.
I always found it strange how people would say when someone dies they suddenly turn in to a saint.
It’s not until the hands of death reach for a loved one that we start questioning any of our beliefs… At least that’s what I’ve found about myself.
This blog won’t be for everyone and please know that NONE of what I say is meant to cause offence. I need to get shit off my chest and I feel this is the only way I can do it.
I hate you. I hate you more than anything in the world.
Never again will I hear my gran’s sing song voice; now it’s nothing but a dry rasp.
Never again will I listen to her stories from youth; they’re replaced with mumblings of events that never happened – today we all died in a plane crash and she thought we were ghosts.
Never again will I enjoy her amazing humour and quick wit; it’s now replaced with a confused look that longs for understanding.
Never again will I see her give a warm loving smile and a twinkle in her eyes; instead a vacant expression greets me except for the fleeting moment she recognised me and told me she loved me.
Never again will I hold a conversation about anything; her responses are confused and make no sense.
Never again will I make new memories with her.
There’s so much I want to tell her but she will forget. I want to share my happiness, my sadness…. But she doesn’t understand.
Dear Dementia; you stole my gran from me and I want her back, so badly.
If a friend pisses you off or treats you like shit and you cut them off or put them in their place (when needed), nobody bats an eye at you…..
But as soon as you do it to a family member everyone loses their god damned fucking minds.