Dear Mr. M. Lucas,
This is long overdue and has been playing on my mind a lot recently. I made similar posts on former blogs before now, hoping you'd see them… and now I hope you haven't because I distinctly remember trying to justify myself.
There is no justification for the disgraceful and heartless "joke" I reposted on Twitter many years ago about yourself and your late husband.
For the longest time I would shrug it off by saying I didn't ever think you would see it, didn't know it was the real you replying and some other ridiculous excuses to make myself feel better.
The truth is none of that matters or makes it better and I should never have posted it in the first place. I was cocky, idiotic and cold hearted…. please know, I am no longer that person. I now take issues such as depression, self harm and suicide very seriously and know they are never a joke and shouldn't ever be any form of entertainment. I should have known back then and obviously I didn't.
I made an insurmountable mistake and royally fucked up and I cannot begin to imagine the hurt seeing that tweet caused you. With everything within me, I apologise unreservedly.
I hope you do see this and please know, that this mistake has not & will not be repeated. Ever.
I'm not looking for forgiveness; only for you to know that I want to be as far away as possible from the person I was back then. I have grown and matured through experiences I wouldn't ever wish on anyone, and I am ashamed of myself for what I posted.
I am so very sorry.
Miss K.P. Hall. (Twitter: @KatVonHall )
Note: I can't remember the Twitter name I was using back then. I do know I deleted the account when I started a new one.
Looking back, i don’t think I’ve ever actually been at peace with myself. There was always something i wanted to change, something i didn’t like. I felt a need to change… Something. Anything.
Continue reading Finally at peace with myself?
Seems to me like anxiety is the new bisexual.
Couple of years ago everyone was bisexual (and I’m not talking bicurious cuz I think everyone goes through that at some point) I mean full on bisexual. It was the “cool” or “in” thing to be.
Continue reading Anxiety – an unpopular opinion
I’ve seen a lot of these types if posts and I want to share my story. Firstly I wanna say I’m sorry for my lack of activity. There’s a lot been happening but that’s for another day.
Read on for my story.
Continue reading Mental Health
OK so I recently posted something to instagram (http://instagram.com/p/wZa0NWomf1 ) and I want to expand on it a little more.
A few years ago after a very heavy drinking session including absinthe, I had a mini stroke. At first I didn’t think it had affected me that badly – a bit confused and weak on the left side but nothing terrible. Over the following weeks it became very apparent that my mental state had changed for the worse. I was already depressed but I had got it under control without the need for medication (which made me feel like I was a zombie). Three weeks after my mini stroke I was back on medication at a much higher dose than before. I also became angry quicker because I couldn’t actually show any other emotion. I was told by some friends my demeanour had changed, I became short and snapped a lot and my brain didn’t always engage properly so I didn’t (and still don’t) always think of someone else first and though I can still empathise with people it sometimes doesn’t work properly. Two ish years later I had another mini stroke caused by stress so everything got worse on that front and my brain is basically fuzzled.
Continue reading In depth