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An Apology to #MattLucas

Dear Mr. M. Lucas,

This is long overdue and has been playing on my mind a lot recently. I made similar posts on former blogs before now, hoping you'd see them… and now I hope you haven't because I distinctly remember trying to justify myself.

There is no justification for the disgraceful and heartless "joke" I reposted on Twitter many years ago about yourself and your late husband.

For the longest time I would shrug it off by saying I didn't ever think you would see it, didn't know it was the real you replying and some other ridiculous excuses to make myself feel better.
The truth is none of that matters or makes it better and I should never have posted it in the first place. I was cocky, idiotic and cold hearted…. please know, I am no longer that person. I now take issues such as depression, self harm and suicide very seriously and know they are never a joke and shouldn't ever be any form of entertainment. I should have known back then and obviously I didn't.

I made an insurmountable mistake and royally fucked up and I cannot begin to imagine the hurt seeing that tweet caused you. With everything within me, I apologise unreservedly.

I hope you do see this and please know, that this mistake has not & will not be repeated. Ever.

I'm not looking for forgiveness; only for you to know that I want to be as far away as possible from the person I was back then. I have grown and matured through experiences I wouldn't ever wish on anyone, and I am ashamed of myself for what I posted.

I am so very sorry.

Yours Sincerely
Miss K.P. Hall. (Twitter: @KatVonHall )

Note: I can't remember the Twitter name I was using back then. I do know I deleted the account when I started a new one.

SUN SEX & SUSPICIOUS PARENTS – HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE SHOW?! 


I can’t say too much right now as i’m still working this out…. 

I’m putting out feelers to anyone who has been on Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents (either the teens or the parents) and any parents who would consider the show or doing something similar to the show, but in private.
1) All details provided by you will be kept completely confidential.  I will change names without issue or completely omit names if you so wish.

2) I’m looking for both the good outcomes and the bad. I’d like a wide range of experiences if at all possible to put forward with my own thoughts.

3) THIS IS UNPAID.  I’m sorry, I simply cannot afford to pay you for your experiences. I am a small blog only.

If you’re intrigued and interested in helping me out with this piece please email me at katvonhallblog@gmail.com with the subject “SS&SP Blog”.

As yet, there is no deadline. 

Thank you in advance.

That’s NOT how a Vagina works…

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So I had to take deep breaths after seeing a recent meme on Facebook.  By now I’m pretty sure most people (unless you’re very lucky) have seen the meme with a guy throwing a hot dog (or about too) through an open door, pasted over a woman with her legs spread… (I’ll put it after the cut….)

Note; for the sake of this blog when I say “Women” I am referring to women born genetically female with a vagina. 

Continue reading That’s NOT how a Vagina works…

My liver and my ED.

I have no idea where this one is gonna go and I have no “plan” to be able to keep it in any order so…. You’ll just have to bare with me….

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I was at the liver specialist today because, well my liver is gonna fail if I don’t make changes to my life. I have NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) and my blood test sheet said something about cirrohcis …. Which is always fun…

The exact words used by the Dr (who was a cross between an asshat and a nice guy…) were “lose weight or your liver will fail soon and you’ll die.” 

There’s a very thin line between a working liver and failing…. I’m tap dancing on that line.

I totally get why he said it, and truth is I KNOW I have to lose weight, I’ve been trying for two years. I have lost a little as I’m now 20st 7lbs…. I was 21st 4lbs. I’ve also lost an inch in height which annoyed me.

The problem with me and dieting… Or in this case a complete change of lifestyle is that I’ve battled Eating Disorders since I was 10… And I know by doing this I’m risking slipping back into old ways which, could happen very easily with me.  I have an addictive personality and once I get on something…. I don’t let go.  I don’t do things by half.  

So now, there’s gonna be a fight between my liver and my ED… And I don’t know which one will win.  The damage to my liver can’t actually be reversed; I can only stop it from getting worse…. Which the Dr said can’t happen without it failing at this point.  

I’ve also got to stop smoking. Insert hysterical laughter here. That I will work on, once I’ve started losing weight. At the very least, I’ll cut the fuck down. 

So here I am… Facing my own mortality at 30 unless I make some big changes.  The horrible thing is he didn’t offer me any help.  I have to go to my own GP for that.  I’m gonna stock up on yoghurt, slim fast and weight watchers.   

I can’t have wheat and gluten, anything high protein makes me violently sick (projectile vomit for about 10 feet) – which means eggs, quorn mince and stuff like that is out.  I can’t eat nuts (allergy), only fish I eat is tuna (and not tuna steak either), I eat a lot of chicken, rice, pasta, fries are oven done. I rarely eats crisps or chocolate any more cuz it makes me feel sick.   

From what I’m reading I can eat as much veg as I want, not too much fruit cuz of the sugar, gotta try and stay away from potatoes and rely on lentils, pasta, fish, lean red meat, chicken. Stay away from the processed stuff and cheese.  All my drinks have to be sugar free or low sugar. 

There’s so much I need to buy and the sad thing is, it won’t be cheap – it never is…. But I won’t start on that right now.

I choose to live…. No matter how I do it. I choose to live. 

A year in review

Well this weekend marks a year since we found out about your lies and mum told you where to go.

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This year hasn’t be easy and I’m pretty sure we’re being punished for shit from a past life…. However there have been a lot more laughs, more heart felt conversations and I’m closer to my mum than before.

It’s not until someone is gone from your life that you realise how much they actually controlled every situation for their own ends, no matter what they were. 

I may have lost my dad, the “man” who stepped up to look after a child that wasn’t his… But in the process I found myself. 

Yes I do miss my dad, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.  There are times I’ll see something funny and think “oh dad would….” And I have to stop myself from saving it or forwarding the link on to you.

I know there is no chance in hell you’ll see this.  You were never interested in reading my blog or knowing what was going on with me; for the longest time I didn’t realise that and when I did, it hurt. It physically hurt me because up until the last few months before you left, I made the effort to listen to you and make sure you were okay.  Obviously you were a better liar than we give you credit for.

It’s strange how we measure years…. Most people its jan-dec but when something traumatic happens it can skew your perception of time without you even knowing.  Our new year didn’t start on Jan 1st and it won’t start until the divorce proceedings are over and we’ve moved.  Once the house is actually sold and we’ve moved out and the divorce is finalised we never have to think of you again. 

I’ll tell you a secret…. And I know you wouldn’t care.  The last time you came round, to help with the boiler you fucked up, it was me who had to call you because you wouldn’t answer the phone to mum and you didn’t even look at me.  You didn’t ask after me. You were cold and calculated and you weren’t my dad. 

I cried for an hour and didn’t sleep that night because of how shitty I felt.  Because of how your actions made me feel.

I think mum and I deserve happiness in our lives – we deserve some good luck and good Karma.  If anyone deserves the shit it’s you and your whore.  You’re the ones who only thought of yourselves.

That being said, I hope the coming months and years give you everything you deserve. May your wedding be….  Interesting. Thats if you do get married. It wouldn’t surprise me if one or both of you decided to move onto the next poor sap. 

Have fun. Live your life and may it ever be full of what you deserve. 

Gran and health stuff

I’m staring blanky at the page and i have no clue where to even start with this blog so… It may jump around but, right now that’s what my brain is like.

Gran has lost the plot and her marbles are starting to scatter at an alarming rate.  You cant hold a conversation with her because what you say and what she hears, aren’t in sync.

Continue reading Gran and health stuff

how PokemonGo is helping me battle depression.

OK so imma add in a little background info about just why im so excited about PokemonGo.

If you’re new to my blog – I have depression, borderline personality, bipolar and depression.


when pokemon first came out, we didn’t have the money for the handheld or the games.  they were just far too expensive, so while everyone was playing the card game or the Gameboy, I had a sega mega drive (which I absolutely loved, it was my first gaming console).

Continue reading how PokemonGo is helping me battle depression.

Coconut Oil + Sex

Ok so its taken me quite a while to jump on the coconut train but now I have… I don’t think my life will ever be the same.

I think it could, in the long run, stop world wars…. Ok maybe not ….

Read on if you like, just know that its gonna get into sex stuff.

Continue reading Coconut Oil + Sex