Tag Archives: weight loss

Why weight-loss praise makes me feel conflicted.

This is a subject that I haven’t come across myself, personally, aimed towards me. Ever. I’ve been through this second hand with friends who have lost weight, for whatever reasons, and it’s something I have spoken to them about; especially those within the BoPo community.

The mass consensus is that it leaves us feeling any/all of the following..

  • “Squicky”
  • “Squiffy”
  • Uncomfortable
  • Conflicted
  • Angry
  • At a loss
  • Generally confused

Continue reading Why weight-loss praise makes me feel conflicted.

Weight Loss & Body Positivity

I want to preface this with a content warning and place it all under a cut as it does deal with weight loss and as someone who still fights an eating disorder – I understand.  So PLEASE, if you feel this post will trigger you in ANY way, don’t read on.  I totally get it and understand.  
Recovery is always possible and attainable.

Continue reading Weight Loss & Body Positivity

My liver and my ED.

I have no idea where this one is gonna go and I have no “plan” to be able to keep it in any order so…. You’ll just have to bare with me….

I was at the liver specialist today because, well my liver is gonna fail if I don’t make changes to my life. I have NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) and my blood test sheet said something about cirrohcis …. Which is always fun…

The exact words used by the Dr (who was a cross between an asshat and a nice guy…) were “lose weight or your liver will fail soon and you’ll die.” 

There’s a very thin line between a working liver and failing…. I’m tap dancing on that line.

I totally get why he said it, and truth is I KNOW I have to lose weight, I’ve been trying for two years. I have lost a little as I’m now 20st 7lbs…. I was 21st 4lbs. I’ve also lost an inch in height which annoyed me.

The problem with me and dieting… Or in this case a complete change of lifestyle is that I’ve battled Eating Disorders since I was 10… And I know by doing this I’m risking slipping back into old ways which, could happen very easily with me.  I have an addictive personality and once I get on something…. I don’t let go.  I don’t do things by half.  

So now, there’s gonna be a fight between my liver and my ED… And I don’t know which one will win.  The damage to my liver can’t actually be reversed; I can only stop it from getting worse…. Which the Dr said can’t happen without it failing at this point.  

I’ve also got to stop smoking. Insert hysterical laughter here. That I will work on, once I’ve started losing weight. At the very least, I’ll cut the fuck down. 

So here I am… Facing my own mortality at 30 unless I make some big changes.  The horrible thing is he didn’t offer me any help.  I have to go to my own GP for that.  I’m gonna stock up on yoghurt, slim fast and weight watchers.   

I can’t have wheat and gluten, anything high protein makes me violently sick (projectile vomit for about 10 feet) – which means eggs, quorn mince and stuff like that is out.  I can’t eat nuts (allergy), only fish I eat is tuna (and not tuna steak either), I eat a lot of chicken, rice, pasta, fries are oven done. I rarely eats crisps or chocolate any more cuz it makes me feel sick.   

From what I’m reading I can eat as much veg as I want, not too much fruit cuz of the sugar, gotta try and stay away from potatoes and rely on lentils, pasta, fish, lean red meat, chicken. Stay away from the processed stuff and cheese.  All my drinks have to be sugar free or low sugar. 

There’s so much I need to buy and the sad thing is, it won’t be cheap – it never is…. But I won’t start on that right now.

I choose to live…. No matter how I do it. I choose to live.